He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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