Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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