he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
