I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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