I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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