So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
