I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
