i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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