He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
