lets start a swedish sibling band together
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
