I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
