It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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