she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
