Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
