Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize