i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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