I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
