My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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