No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
