Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
