This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
