I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
