OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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