it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am available for nakedness
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
