Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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