I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
