the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
