Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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