when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
