the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
