so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
