no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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