I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
