There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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