I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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