We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Alive.
So much puke
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
