I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
