so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
