I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
