Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
