they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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