i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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