So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
