I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
