my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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