I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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