just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
