is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
