When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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