so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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