It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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