Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
