I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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