How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There r osticjed everywhere
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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