Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
