his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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