I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
