im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
